In this reading session, we will explore books that delve into the workings of the subconscious mind and provide insights on how we can use this knowledge to improve our lives.

​Let's start with "The Elephant in the Brain: Hidden Motives in Everyday Life" by Kevin Simler and Robin Hanson. This book describes the significant, yet often unnoticed part of our brain that motivates, influences, and interferes with our decisions. It generates emotions from our hidden and true desires, revealing why we do certain things. For instance, why do we go to school? Upon closer inspection, some of us may not be there for the education itself. Why do we choose the easiest course to get a degree? Why do we celebrate when classes are cancelled? Our subconscious may reveal that we are for something that is not immediately evident.

​The book "The Feeling is the Secret" explores the spiritual realm of our thoughts and emotions. It emphasizes the importance of sleep, prayer, and mindfulness in connecting with our higher self and the subconscious mind.

In our previous conversation, we discussed Control, Out of Control, and Let Go. We discussed the sensation of control and introduced the concept of surrendering. The main point was that there is no need to control everything. Instead, we should observe and experience while managing our reactions. This time, we will explore more about the manifestations of controlling. The need for control can manifest in various ways.

One manifestation is wanting others to behave as we see fit. This especially affects our interactions with our children. Demanding high or unreasonable standards can also make those around us feel pressured and suffocated. This can harm our relationships. 

The desire to control often arises from a need for security. We worry about unpredictable situations and need more confidence in handling them. However, letting go of this urge can make us feel free and relaxed. The suggestion is to trust the natural flow of life and live in harmony with it.

When striving for perfection, we may become controlling. However, we must recognize that control only leads to exhaustion. Instead, we should embrace diversity, differences, and imperfections as natural and realistic.

After calming our minds, we realize we cannot control the external environment or other people. What we can control is our emotions, actions, and thoughts. Using phrases like "I am willing to learn to trust" and "I am willing to let go of control" can be helpful.

​Regret is a complex emotion that involves feelings of sadness, remorse, and disappointment over something that has happened or been done. It often arises from our natural tendency to reflect on past decisions and actions, especially missed opportunities. However, despite the negative connotations, regret is a universal experience that can shape our personal growth and future choices. Overcoming regret involves acknowledging and accepting these feelings while learning from them. It's crucial to recognize that regret can serve as a valuable learning tool, guiding us toward better decision-making in the future. 

To overcome regret, it's important to reframe our perspective. Instead of viewing past experiences as sources of persistent sorrow, we can see them as stepping stones for personal development. Mindfulness practices and self-compassion are key in this process, encouraging a kind and non-judgmental approach to our past selves and their decisions. Letting go of what cannot be changed and focusing on what can be influenced is also a vital step in overcoming regret. This involves shifting the focus from past mistakes to current opportunities, thereby fostering a mindset geared towards growth and positivity. Additionally, setting new, achievable goals can redirect the energy spent on regret toward constructive and fulfilling pursuits. 

In essence, while regret is an inevitable part of life, it can be transformed into a force for positive change and self-improvement, helping us become more resilient and adaptive. 

The following are steps to stop ruminating through journaling by answering a set of questions about the past with self-compassion:

• What is it that makes me feel regretful? Start with identifying what it is that makes you feel sorry. Write these down so you can analyze them.
• What emotions are attached to these regrets, and how much do I regret them? Explore the feelings attached to these regrets, as this will help us understand how much we regret them.
• Why did I make these mistakes in the past? Understand why we made these mistakes in the past. It could have been due to ignorance, lack of knowledge, lack of attention due to other things and pressures going on in our life, or simply due to immaturity in our personality, among other reasons. It is essential to recognize that these mistakes were understandable at the time but that you cannot change them. You can only learn from them.
• What would my best friend say about the situation? Think about what your best friend would say about the situation. Stop bullying yourself, be kind to yourself, and do not punish yourself simply because you are still learning to live your life.
• What can I learn from my past mistakes? Focus on what you can learn from your past mistakes. It is essential to not hold onto the past but move on and use it as a guide for doing the right thing in the present. For example, if you have been too obsessed with your career development and ignored your family's health, it's time to spend time with them, learn about caring for their health, and do the right thing to care for them.
• What can we do differently now? Write down what we can do differently now and move on. This is more important than ruminating on the past.

Once we have answered these questions, we accept that we are human and we made mistakes. We have and may fall down too many times to count. However, we learn from our mistakes and work on not repeating them.

Parenting is a journey that involves providing encouragement, care, support, and love to a child. It's about nurturing the child's heart and mind, creating a sense of security that enables them to confidently explore the world.

Encouragement acts as a driving force, helping them to rise above challenges and reach new heights. Care is the constant and gentle presence that provides comfort and healing, establishing a foundation of trust and safety. Support is the structure that helps the child build their dreams, providing guidance while allowing them the freedom to learn and grow. Love is the most profound element that binds these components together, creating a tapestry of relationships based on understanding, respect, and unconditional acceptance.

​In this nurturing environment, children thrive and grow into individuals who feel valued and capable. They also learn to extend these gifts to others, perpetuating a cycle of kindness and empathy in the world. You can use this template to create your own message. 

Every year on November 11, we remember and honor those who put their lives on the line to serve the country. It's a great commitment and sacrifice.

Choosing to let go involves changing our thought patterns and getting rid of negative beliefs and thoughts. It is an art that can help us transform our lives into a more peaceful and lighter experience. When we embrace the act of release, we free ourselves from regrets, forgive ourselves and others, move beyond past grievances, heal wounds, and open our spirits to new adventures.​

Letting Go of the Past 
We all come to this world for a reason. Everyone we meet and everything we experience shape our souls and help shape our future. Whether we experience pain, sickness, or joy, these are signals for us to reflect on and improve our behavior. Suffering, in particular, can enlighten our minds and help us grow. It is essential for us to embrace reality, pay attention to the message, take suggestions, and work towards a better future. We must understand that all problems are created by us or chosen by us for a reason, so we must examine them thoroughly.
​We have come to this world to learn and develop our minds through different experiences. The ultimate goal is to graduate to a life full of strength, love, and prosperity. Letting go of the past means gaining wisdom that helps us control our thoughts, learn valuable lessons, make better choices, and move forward confidently, loving ourselves.

Letting Go of Self Criticism
Many of us criticize ourselves, thinking we are not good enough. We often feel guilty for not doing something we should have done. But instead of dwelling on these negative thoughts, we should try to replace the word 'should' with 'could.' This changes our perspective and allows us to focus on doing what we want rather than feeling like we have no choice. 

Letting Go of Blaming
Making mistakes can be a painful experience, but it is through these mistakes that we grow and learn. Instead of blaming ourselves or regretting our actions, we should focus on the lessons learned and avoid repeating them in the future. We are all imperfect beings who are constantly learning, and so are the people around us. Therefore, mistakes are inevitable, and it's important to let go of negative feelings, forgive, and move on. Choosing to move forward is a positive attribute and a decision that can lead to personal growth and development.​
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Letting Go of Anger 
When we feel anger, we are usually the victims of some wrongdoings from others' behaviors. Since it's not our fault, there is no reason to punish ourselves. It is important to express our anger, understand why it is happening and what it is trying to tell us, and then let it go. Allow your anger to serve a purpose, but do not let it control you.
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Letting Go of Sorrow 
When we experience sorrow, it is most likely because we have lost someone we love. Sorrow can hurt us deeply and affect our lives at home. However, I don't think our loved ones would want us to feel sadness for an extended period of time. Instead, we should move on from the sorrow and use happy memories to remember them. Our loved ones would want us to feel joy when we reminisce about them, and that's what we should strive for.

Letting Go of Stress 
Stress is a feeling of emotional or physical tension. Piles of work to be done, financial difficulties, relationship problems, health issues, and significant life changes... all these things can make us stress out. However,  like other emotions, stress is a natural feeling that signals changes and demands our responses. Our problem is not to avoid but to notice it and learn to cope effectively. If we can't manage it well, we may experience physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and a weakened immune system. Mentally, we may manifest anxiety, depression, difficulty concentrating, and sleep disorders.
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Taking proactive steps to manage stress is essential. Engaging in regular exercise and mindfulness practices, taking occasional tea time breaks, chatting with friends, and incorporating time management strategies can be beneficial in managing and reducing stress levels. Seeking support from loved ones or a mental health professional can provide valuable assistance in navigating stress challenges.

In summary, the presence of negative emotions can have a significant impact on our well-being. However, by utilizing effective coping mechanisms such as practicing guided metta meditations​, (which includes letting go of negative thoughts, showing oneself kindness and affirming love), and seeking support from others, we can successfully manage the effects of negative emotions, find a peaceful mind, and lead a more balanced and healthy life. Always remember that it is perfectly acceptable to request assistance and prioritize self-care. Get out of the museum of the past. Now.