After arriving at the university, I met many new people from prestigious schools in my home country. Although we were all excited to join the new education program, we encountered many challenges to settle down. Years later, I came across a book called "The Games People Play" by Eric Berne. The book describes familiar games people play in their relationships, which helped me understand our interactions back then. These games are:
1. If It Weren't For You (IWFY) - a group of friends find an apartment beside the freeway, and they blame each other for the decision to accommodate each other.
This game involves one friend consistently blaming the other for their problems. The blaming friend avoids taking responsibility for their choices, while the other friend may feel guilty and over-responsible.
2. See What You Made Me Do (SWYMD)-A friend - the same group of people mentioned above, and they blame each other for making a wrong choice.
This game involves one person blaming others for their mistakes or poor decisions. It creates a dynamic of blame and avoidance of personal accountability.
3. Why Don't You, Yes But (YDYB) and "Kick Me" - a friend is pessimistic about finding a place to live. It keeps frustrating, and the problems are still there.
This game involves one friend constantly presenting problems but rejecting every solution the other friend offers with a "Yes, but..." response. The friend with the problems remains in their situation, and the helping friend becomes frustrated with the lack of progress.
4. Let's You and Him Fight- Finding my apartments from the school avoided many conflicts.
This game involves a friend instigating a conflict between two other friends, then stepping back and often acting as an innocent bystander or peacemaker. The instigating friend may gain satisfaction or benefit from the conflict between the others while avoiding direct involvement or blame.
Recognizing these patterns can be a significant step toward healthier, more positive interactions in our friendships. It is interesting to learn how subconscious patterns can negatively impact our relationships.
1. If It Weren't For You (IWFY) - a group of friends find an apartment beside the freeway, and they blame each other for the decision to accommodate each other.
This game involves one friend consistently blaming the other for their problems. The blaming friend avoids taking responsibility for their choices, while the other friend may feel guilty and over-responsible.
2. See What You Made Me Do (SWYMD)-A friend - the same group of people mentioned above, and they blame each other for making a wrong choice.
This game involves one person blaming others for their mistakes or poor decisions. It creates a dynamic of blame and avoidance of personal accountability.
3. Why Don't You, Yes But (YDYB) and "Kick Me" - a friend is pessimistic about finding a place to live. It keeps frustrating, and the problems are still there.
This game involves one friend constantly presenting problems but rejecting every solution the other friend offers with a "Yes, but..." response. The friend with the problems remains in their situation, and the helping friend becomes frustrated with the lack of progress.
4. Let's You and Him Fight- Finding my apartments from the school avoided many conflicts.
This game involves a friend instigating a conflict between two other friends, then stepping back and often acting as an innocent bystander or peacemaker. The instigating friend may gain satisfaction or benefit from the conflict between the others while avoiding direct involvement or blame.
Recognizing these patterns can be a significant step toward healthier, more positive interactions in our friendships. It is interesting to learn how subconscious patterns can negatively impact our relationships.
