We don't have time to do everything. Therefore, it is necessary to limit things that may take our time and energy. These limits are our boundaries with the outside world.
Why set boundaries? Before every flight, we learn that during emergency situations, we must put on our masks before helping others. The case shows the fundamentals of self-care as the basis for helping others. When we can't even take care of selfies, our help becomes people-pleasing, possibly burdening others in the long run. A comfortable relationship demands that everyone in the relationship feel safe and with mutual respect.
What do we need to do? We need three basic steps to create, declare, and hold boundaries.
When we work remotely across timezones, others can easily book meetings that are not operating on our schedule or even leave time for a bio-break. The stress can build up. Blocking break time on the calendar and declining interruptions can be an excellent start to setting boundaries.
There are many other examples: taking a family vacation, saving time caring for the health, securing quiet time for learning... These simple actions can assert and nurture our own needs. Setting boundaries so we can live from our true desires.
Why set boundaries? Before every flight, we learn that during emergency situations, we must put on our masks before helping others. The case shows the fundamentals of self-care as the basis for helping others. When we can't even take care of selfies, our help becomes people-pleasing, possibly burdening others in the long run. A comfortable relationship demands that everyone in the relationship feel safe and with mutual respect.
What do we need to do? We need three basic steps to create, declare, and hold boundaries.
- Creating boundaries starts with knowing what we want by examining our goals. These goals define our boundaries. It's also about not bending to the expectations of others instead of following their true purpose. Does it matter what Mom and Dad expect us to do? Do we have to agree when everybody else talks about something meaningful that can bring a better life? Make our own judgment.
- Declaring boundaries means letting people know our specific limits so they can respect them.
- Holding boundaries requires saying no when our boundaries are crossed. When we are pushed back, we can ask why others demand our help and decide what to do.
When we work remotely across timezones, others can easily book meetings that are not operating on our schedule or even leave time for a bio-break. The stress can build up. Blocking break time on the calendar and declining interruptions can be an excellent start to setting boundaries.
There are many other examples: taking a family vacation, saving time caring for the health, securing quiet time for learning... These simple actions can assert and nurture our own needs. Setting boundaries so we can live from our true desires.
Resources
- Ida Soghomonian, Boundaries – Why are they important? Part 1, Part 2 , 2019. It is worth reading about healthy and unhealthy boundaries in Part 1 and effective boundary settings in Part 2.
- Nedra Glover Twwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, March 2021
- Dealing with Difficult People: How do we handle bullies? This paper discusses how boundaries fit into a strategy for dealing with difficult people.
